Food at the county fair

From The Hollow Leg Diner - images

Every time we go to the fair, I like to annoy Lupe by constantly talking about food. We can't pass a BBQ shack, Hot Dog On a Stick, funnel cake fryer or churro cart without a detour for a quick peek and sniff. I don't know if she realizes that I'm kidding or if she actually thinks that I want to eat my way down the midway. I always get the TALK before we get into the fair. She lays down the ground rules about how much we can eat and how much money we can spend on food. Having Lupe pull my ear for a half hour has become part of the fair-going ritual. And the more she scolds me, the more I whine about getting fair food. I'm such a punk. I don't know why she puts up with me.

For all the talk of fair food, I really don't like to buy too much. I'm not fundamentally opposed to the concept of a 5000 calorie meal that consists of entirely deep fried foods. I just don't like paying $8.50 for a friggen hot dog. I can have 8 BBQ's dogs on 10 buns (WTF is up with that scam) at home for less than that. I am enthralled with the concept of fair food, but I just can't bring myself to spend that much on a meal that can never live up to the hype. Lupe and I spent $32 on a meal at the San Diego County Fair last year. I had been dreaming of a good old fashioned giant BBQ sausage and chili fries. Lupe got a double cheese burger and an onion blossom. We had been looking forward to that particular bit of wretched excess for two years. We didn't eat all day, in preparation for our magical fair meal. Two custom-made heart attacks on paper plates and a plastic tray. Maybe nothing can live up to your fantasy-fueled expectations. I don't know. All I got out of the meal was heart burn and disappointment. I KNOW I could have made a better burger or a better giant BBQ sausage dog. Hell; I have made better. I don't have a deep fryer, so I might not be able to make a bloomin' onion. If I had a fryer, I'm sure I could do better. So what is the moral here? What do you take away from my tale of woe? A couple of things...... Always take some Rolaids when you go to the fair. Don't buy over-priced food at the fair, or baseball games, or the movie theater, or McDonald's. And finally: reality rarely ever matches your imagination. I have been dying to try deep fried Twinkies ever since I first learned of them. I've seen them at the fair for years, but I've never bought one. Somewhere in the back of my head I know that the reality can't live up to the hype. Deep fried Twinkies are better as a mythic ideal than actual food. The deep fried twinky is a metaphor for the very concept of fair food. It is the unimaginable, the symbol of wretched excess. the food of carnies and circus folk. It isn't real food-I mean, you can't find them in the frozen food case at Von's. Deep fried Twinkies are the soul of the fair. They are the Earthly manifestation of the spirit of the fair; bad food, bright lights, rigged games, tattooed bimbos and mullets.

This year I decided to do it right. Rather than waste my money and suffer the bitter disappointment of crappy fair food, I would make my own gut-busting, artery clogging, fair-inspired meal the weekend the Los Angeles County Fair opened. We skipped the food at the fair (except for a few churros and shave ice) and had a pre-fair BBQ instead. So you're going to make a meal that will capture the essence of the fair; what do you serve? Damn right; the Bacon Explosion. Not even deep fried butter says fair the way the bacon explosion does. The bacon explosion is cardiac Russian roulette with five cylinders of saturated fat. Oh, but the flavor! Italian sausage wrapped in a bacon snuggie, slathered in BBQ sauce. Ooh la la-piggy, piggy, come to Papa. I used a hot Italian sausage seasoned with Cayenne pepper and smoked paprika and wrapped it in a weave of thick-cut, lightly smoked bacon. My little bundle of flavor spent a couple of hours of quality time on the BBQ with some hickory providing the smoke. It came out moist and flavorful with a beautiful smoke ring. Do you know you can cut off a 3/4" slice, top it with some melted sharp cheddar and serve it on a hamburger bun? I'm having a little cardiac arrhythmia just remembering that hearty bit of goodness. CLEAR!.....ZZZZAAAAAAAPPPPPPP. Oh that's good. In addition to the bacon explosion, I also BBQ'd some pork ribs and grilled burgers and Korean marinated pork belly. The burgers were a mix of the Italian sausage, ground beef and ground lamb. The Korean marinated pork belly is an awesome substitute for bacon on a cheeseburger. The pork belly has a beautiful, deep, rich flavor with just a hint of spicy chili. In spite of my obsession with the bacon explosion, I am not a huge fan of most bacon. Most bacon has way to much smoke flavor for my liking. I like a very gentle smoke on my bacon. Most packaged bacon overwhelms everything it comes in contact with. The marinated pork belly has pure pork flavor and the only smoke comes from grilling over hot coals. The chili-vinegar marinade marries beautifully with the pork as it grills and the fat renders out. It kicks the crap out of bacon on burgers. Some grilled pork belly, slices of avocado and melted muenster cheese make for a killer burger. I won't say much about the grilled green onions and asparagus as they really didn't fit the fair food theme very well....too healthy. Other than the greens, it was the perfect meal to prep us for a day at the fair.