A very sharp knife

Sharp knives are essential for cooks. You just can't do a proper job in the kitchen unless you have at least one sharp knife. By the way; two knives are better than one, and five knives are better than two (I'm talking to you Lupe). So now that you have a nice selection of knives, you need to take care of them. It makes no sense to buy a good knife and then throw it in a kitchen drawer full of utensils. It pains me to see that happen (not naming names, but......all of my in-laws).

As much as I try to take good care of my knives, I would be the first to admit that I couldn't sharpen a knife to save my life. I guess I just don't have the knife sharpening gene. Some people just have that ability. They can put a razor edge on a knife and make it look easy. I can spend half a day on a knife and never get a really good edge. I think it stems from my innate sloppiness. I just can't keep a knife at the same angle to the stone for repeated passes. I don't so much as sharpen a knife as round-over the edge to a range of 15 to 30 degrees.

One benefit of my poor sharpening ability is that it allowed me to be really sloppy with my knife skills. Hit a finger-no problemo. Shave a knuckle-no worries. I wasn't drawing blood no matter how careless I got. Oh, I took care with a new knife in hand, but after the initial edge wore down I could go back to hacking and whacking with reckless abandon. In spite of the added safety factor, I still kept looking for some method or tool that would allow me to effectively sharpen a knife. I have bought a dozen different stones, rods, V-sharpeners and or gimmicky crap over the last few years and the results were always roughly the same. I would use my new sharpener and then run to the kitchen (BTW: don't run with knives) to try it out. I would plop a ripe tomato or slightly soft jalepeno down on the cutting board and go to work. Either the blade would drag and tear or I would get a really sharp edge that only seem to last a matter of minutes. Always the same; failure. What is a semi-talented foodie to do?

The solution came from a kayak fishing website. I was reading the Texas Kayak Fisherman hunting forum and somebody posted some info about a new sharpening system for broadhead arrow points. I went to the site, watched some of their videos and was hooked. KME Sharpeners makes a system that is a significant improvement over other similar types of sharpeners. The best thing about the KME sharpener is the spherical bearing that keeps the sharpening stone guide rod at exactly the same angle, no matter what part of the blade you are working. Another nice feature is that the clamping jaws that hold the knife can be easily rotated 180 degrees. I bought a standard sharpener kit with a set of four stones just before Christmas. KME has excellent customer service. Ron Schwartz (the owner?) even called me on Christmas Eve in response to an email question about my order. He was extremely helpful and gave me all sorts of info on the system and how to sharpen my knives.

I got my new KME sharpener just in time for the second wave of holiday cooking. I set it up and did a quick job on my Shun Classic 8" chef's knife. I know I could have put a better edge on it if I had taken my time, but I was in a hurry because I had to start prepping for dinner. In no time at all, the knife was as sharp or sharper than when I bought it. Pleased with the results, I ran off to the kitchen (DON'T run with knives) to start on dinner. The knife worked beautifully. It made quick work of all types of vegetables, meat and my finger.

From Family photos for web

Lesson learned: sharp knives are not forgiving of sloppy handling. I have cut myself before; slices, chops, pokes, punctures, even ragged lacerations; but never before have I shaved off a fingernail. That was a new experience. Effortlessly, the knife shaved off about a quarter of an inch of the fingernail on my ring finger. It even took off a bit of the nail bed. I'm glad that I was 'almost' using good knife handling procedures. If my fingers had been extended a little more I would have lost the tip. OK; that's nothing new. I have cut myself with just about every knife I've owned when they were new and sharp. Not a problem. I'd play it safe for a few days and then they would get a little dull and I could go back to Sloppyville. That isn't the case this time, my friends. I didn't even put that good of an edge on the Shun and it is still dangerously sharp. I let my guard down again, and again, I paid the price. This time I was doing a Brunoise of some jalapeno for a breakfast omelette when my attention faded. Before you get all judgmental you need to understand that it was 6am and I was working on less than five hours of sleep. Knives don't care if you're tired and a little blurry-eyed. You gotta' keep those fingers in.

From Family photos for web

This time I shaved off a nice little V from the nail on my index finger. This one is a little deeper than the ring finger. I'm worried that the nail might not grow back properly. I was very proud of myself for not cussing up a storm when I did it. My in-laws were staying with us and I didn't want to go all sailorish on them. I don't think they've ever heard me speak my native language (Swabbeze) before, and this wasn't a good time to show off my linguistic skills. I just let out a very loud sort of grunt and then bit my lip. I thought that I had got away with it, but it got their attention. I patched myself up and made a big show of cleaning the cutting board and tossing the jalapeno that I had been working on. My mother-in-law suddenly became very worried about my welfare and told me not to worry about making them breakfast. I think she was just worried about getting a bit of finger in her eggs. Seriously-some people just have unreasonable fears about things like that. I mean; who hasn't found little mystery bits in their food now and then. Its not like it makes you a cannibal if you get a little 'extra protein' in your meal. Grow up, people. Its not going to kill you. Sorry. Got a little off topic there. So, remember, boys and girls; be safe with knives. Learn those safe knife skills and practice them at all time. After all; you don't want to turn your dinner guests into cannibals, do you?